Taking Care of our Elderly Today: an Era of Balancing Caution, Love and Humor
By Cynthia Calderon, Transcend Wealth Partners family office, and contributing author Rose W. Levinson, MSW
Taking care of our elders was difficult even before we were faced with a pandemic.
Now it is has become even more challenging to care for our parents and grandparents. Covid-19 has created complications we never anticipated. And now more than ever people of all ages are yearning for less isolation, more communication and treasured moments of love and humor.
Visiting our family at home or in assisted-living apartments carries risk. Bringing them groceries, medicine or companionship by showing up in person can endanger their lives.
And, yet, isolation has severe consequences as well.
Isolation and loneliness can affect the physical, mental and emotional well-being of our loved ones. The elderly are even more vulnerable, causing an increase in cognitive decline and symptoms of depression. Some studies show a loss of social connections can increase risk of death by 50 percent or more.
Social distancing does not have to mean social isolation.
As social distancing becomes our new normal, it is increasingly important to consider ways to connect with loved ones in new and meaningful ways. Text messages and short calls to check in are helpful, especially to assist in food delivery and medication reminders. But other ways of communicating can significantly help when it comes to reducing social distancing for our parents and grandparents.
Here are eight suggestions you may not have considered:
Identify a few favorite activities and find ways to keep those going during Covid-19. For example, there are ways to play online card games with Apps such as Cardzmania and Trickster. There are online chess sites, quilting and sewing groups such as Google quilting. Families can watch a concert or opera together, (try metopera.org). It is also easy to schedule a Netflix date and watch a movie together, or start watching a new series. Zoom is a great resource to have a book club meeting or family get-together.
Carve out time for a quality phone call. Have you thought about recording meaningful stories or documenting your family history? Write down notes in a journal and record a Zoom call where you interview your loved one. Reminiscence therapy has proven to be powerful, as well as a great bonding experience.
Mail or deliver personal notes to your elderly family member’s door.
Ask grandparents to help with online homeschooling and summer programs. Set up a daily or weekly Zoom call for 30 minutes. They can help with any number of subjects including the basics of reading, history and math. It is a wonderful feeling for elderly members of a family to feel needed and utilized for their skills. Parents also frequently notice their children will do activities with grandparents or other elders that they won’t do with their own parents.
Have special meals delivered to your elderly family members to let them know you are thinking of them.
Take charge of scheduling calls from various family members. Book out several weeks a month, remind people to call, and tell them to plan on spending at least 15 minutes on the phone so they don’t feel rushed.
Visit while socially distancing, even if your loved one is in a facility. Take walks if and when possible. Remember to call ahead for this outing. Sometimes staff members need to be prepared if your loved one is in a wheelchair. Calling by phone, communicating by laptop or organizing a coordinated drive-by parade are other options. When your relative gets a check-up, the medical professional can call during the procedure for emotional or physical support and updates.
Reinvent the hug! Google “Plastic hug curtain.” This is not a serious recommendation, but it IS good for a laugh when needed!.
Covid-19 has reminded all of us of our own mortality. This is an era where balancing your own life is essential. Is your financial house in order?
Have you communicated anything you want your family and friends to know?
Has your estate plan been reviewed in the past 3-5 years?
Are your wills and living trusts updated?
Is your living trust fully funded?
Are your durable powers-of-attorneys in place?
Are health directives established and do they name agents that you want?
Are your beneficiary designations up-to-date for your retirement assets, annuities and life insurance policies?
Does your family or fiduciary know how to access your original estate planning documents and safe deposit box?
Have you prepared a master list of assets and accounts?
Your elders are depending on the cautious balancing of your own health and financial well-being. Choose three steps that help you rest well, bring you love, or provide a touch of humor into your day.
To help with any of these issues, please call Cynthia, Maya or Michelle at Transcend Wealth Partners at (707) 240-4448 or welcome@transcendwealthpartners.com.